Understanding and Managing Relationship Anxiety
Relationship anxiety is the emotion evoked by uncertainty, self-doubt, stress and needing continuous reassurance that sometimes happens throughout the relationship. This kind of anxiety may be stemming from childhood experiences and is usually a sign of insecure attachment style. Relationship anxiety makes one question whether their partner truly loves them or whether they will leave them. This worry goes above the normal wondering about your relationship’s future, it extends to excessive worry where it disturbs one’s ability to have a normal and healthy relationship with their partner.
When you regularly question the stability of your relationship or the authenticity of your partner’s feelings for you, this can usually be stemming back from the kind of relationship that you had with your caregiver as a child. When a child is reassured and shown love sometimes and abandoned and not shown affection sometimes, this leads to the child forming an anxious attachment style with other people in future. This later on causes an adult who needs constant reassurance from their partner in romantic relationships. People who have an anxious attachment style usually struggle with self doubt and their senses are hyper vigilant, looking out for slight signs that they may be about to lose their partner.
If you have had a relationship where your sense of self-worth was brought into doubt or your value or your appeal, this can bring about anxiety as you start to think that everyone will see you in that way. Experiencing this causes one to always be uncomfortable in a relationship, always questioning whether the relationship will succeed or not. Moreover, when someone has a low sense of self-worth, this also triggers them to doubt their ability to be lovable, therefore doubting whether their partner really loves them. This may also cause one to think that their partner will not be faithful to them.
In some situations, being anxious in a relationship may stem from not having healthy communication patterns in the relationship. It may happen that you get worried about your partner’s love or the success of your relationship because there is a lack of open and sincere conversations about your feelings and emotions in the relationship, how the relationship is doing, or there are no clear plans with your partner for a future together. Not communicating on these issues can leave partners in a frenzy, which then promotes anxiety.
Relationship anxiety shows itself in different ways such as constantly worrying whether your partner really loves you, needing your partner to continuously and consistently reassure you that they love you, always wanting to go above and beyond in order to impress your partner and being a bit too clingy. Relationship anxiety also displays itself through one constantly feeling like their partner is always trying to end the relationship, and this causes one to over-analyze every aspect of the relationship. In some instances, relationship anxiety can outplay itself through intentionally ruining the relationship. This can happen when you tend to magnify simple problems and intentionally plan traps for your partner in order to see how faithful they will be.
In order to be able to overcome relationship anxiety, there are practical ways you can implement. Firstly, you need to practice open and honest communication with your partner. It is important to express your concerns, discuss your needs and wants in a relationship, and be open to talking about your goals as a couple. Being honest about your concerns will help you both to clear the air and both be sure about where you stand in the relationship instead of assuming and over thinking.
It is also essential that you become fully present in the relationship. Do not over think about what the future may have in store for your relationship, rather, be fully present and enjoy the current relationship for what it is. Thinking about it will negatively affect you, causing stress and more anxiety. Strive to enjoy the present circumstances. You also need to be honest with yourself about your own insecurities and why you have them. Being able to understand this will help you be able to address the internal causes of your anxiety. Work on improving your self-esteem and how you view yourself. Seeking professional assistance can also be helpful. Seeing a psychologist or therapist will help you understand yourself better and this will have a better influence on your relationship.